My Mother The Teacher

Mother the Teacher...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB .
WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
Into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
You're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
In case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
Who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
To get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
Don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
You'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think
You were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope
They turn out just like you!"